Since I put up my diary about Obama Dads, things have gotten a little . . . strange.
For one thing, I’ve been inundated with "attaboys!" and questions about my "organization" – which is ironic, considering the point of my fellow Obama Dads and I doing what we do is that there is no organization. That being said, suddenly there are t-shirts and blogs and proposals for websites . . .
. . . and among the many questions I’ve received, one begs an answer. Just who are these Obama Dads?
I’m no expert. I’m no statistician. I have a morbid fear of any math more complicated than my payroll taxes, and I’m too darn lazy (or busy – take your pick) to some up with a carefully constructed scientific poll. This is by NO means a conclusive or exhaustive account of who the Obama Dads are. What I can do is give you my humble observations, for what they are worth.
The Obama Dad tends to be a Gen X or Gen Y dad, or even a Boomer who got a late-in-life surprise on a pregnancy test and is contending with diapers and dayschool while also contending with retirement planning. Most seem to have kids under the age of 13. A whole lot of them have "Millennial" babies, kids born just around the turn of the century, and plenty have kids born since 9-11-01. Most are middle-class dads in stable relationships (or happily single) who have wives or girlfriends (or boyfriends) who work. Often they are in two-career households. And they share the household responsibilities.
(As a side note, I think I find that more ironic than anything. While my understanding of feminism is imperfect, I do believe one of the important goals in the emergence of the women’s movement was to encourage the blurring of gender-distinct activities. Johnny has a doll, and all that "Free To Be You And Me" stuff we saw so much of in the late 1970s, for example. Division of labor along gender lines was part of the patriarchal power structure’s efforts to marginalize, disempower, and oppress women.
Fair enough. Our post-industrial economy has made divisions of labor along gender lines generally archaic, anyway, and there is no argument that the "home-ec" track was blatantly unfair to every woman’s potential. Little girls now grow up to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts, corporate board members, even senators. Empowered and in charge of their own financial destinies, they have been able to build the lives they desire without being completely at the mercy of their reproductive organs and societal expectations. They can have full and equal domestic partnerships with caring, sensitive men who are more than familiar with the intricacies of housekeeping.
But now those doll-totin’ little boys have grown up and are now carseat-totin’ daddies, sharing in the childcare, household, and financial responsibilities, if not equally, then certainly orders of magnitude more than was traditionally expected of their sires. But they did not, for whatever reason, automatically equate a more equitable distribution of labor and resources to favoring female candidates over male candidates, when given the opportunity. When presented with a competent, capable woman with a history – a long, long history – of making important policy decisions and affecting societal change next to a charismatic and competent man, for whatever reason they have enthusiastically chosen the man. I’m sure that says something. I’m no sure what. But I digress . . . )
The Obama Dad seems to be websavvy, either using it in his work or extensively in his "free" time – and not just for Fantasy Football and videos of dogs on skateboards. He is fairly well-informed, and decently educated. Indeed, many of the Obama Dads I’ve met or heard from have had at least some college education or advanced technical training. They aren’t stupid. Almost all of them have watched Obama’s interviews and speeches, sometimes several times. Many have burned them to DVD and passed them out to friends and co-workers. A large proportion of Obama Dads get their news and/or entertainment from the likes of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert.
Obama Dads seem uncomfortable with large political organizations – several I have met were not firm Democrats, before, or were proud Independents when they thought of politics at all. But I’ve heard, more than once, that "If Obama is the future of the Democratic Party, I might just be a Democrat." When presented with an opportunity to officially commit to an organization, even one supporting their candidate, they sometimes seem reluctant to join perhaps because they also dislike labels. Heh. "Obama Dads".
Areas of policy interest range from a rising alarm about Global Warming and other environmental issues (Thanks, Uncle Al!), a growing desire to see a far less BS-free health care system (Thanks, Roger Moore!), a general sense of betrayal about how we got into the Iraq War and a general disgust about how the war has been prosecuted. While they still feel dramatically appalled by the memory of 9/11/01, they are far, far less concerned about the specter of Radical Islam blowing up shopping malls than they are with Blackwater troops raping and killing innocents under our flag and under our protection.
In fact their disgust at the whole debacle of Iraq is palpable. You can see it in their eyes. Most of the guys I talk to admit to being at least cautiously positive about the wars in Afghanistan (no one likes the Taliban, after all) and even Iraq (Saddam was a very bad man, no denying it) but lost faith in the leadership and the raison d’guerre rather quickly. And, believe it or not, it doesn’t seem to be the casualties that arouse the most disgust. It’s the cost. More than once I’ve heard words to the affect that, "My God, $400 Billon. What we could have done in this country with $400 Billion . . ."
But the environment, health care, and even the War don’t seem to be the issues that really moved them to be open to a candidacy like Obama’s. As important as those are to them and their feelings about being an American, the defining factor seems to be the Federal response to Hurricane Katrina and the Inundation of New Orleans. That really pisses them off. It’s a kind of metaphor for their whole attitude about the state of the government. The water keeps rising, everyone is pointing at the dams and blaming someone else, no one is being held accountable, and – damn it! – the flood waters are still rising. Katrina is a powerful metaphor to the Obama Dads.
The reasons are obvious, of course. Those were Americans waving from the top of their homes, squatting in chaotic squalor in the Superdome, being fired upon by trigger-happy cops and Blackwater mercs. Those were Americans, and this was America, and those people could have been any of us. "That’s when I knew things were broken," is the common refrain, with the requisite shake of the head and sigh.
The war depresses them, but it’s far off, a remote bit of depression they can shut off at need as they go about their daily lives. Health care is a constant issue, but what can you do with the special interests dug in against meaningful reform? But Katrina? That could have happened anywhere – hurricane, earthquake, fire, flood, every part of our country is at risk for a disaster like that. And the government response left the taste of bile and disgust in their throats.
And that, perhaps, is one of the biggest defining elements of the Obama Dad. He’s not really an idealist, though he has strong ideals. He’s not an activist, though he has the potential for great and significant action. He’s not a moralist, though he usually has a deep and abiding moral center. He’s a pragmatist. He sees that the country is broken, profoundly broken, and he despairs of the possibility of another eight long years of polarized, partisan trench warfare while the waters rise around us. The last eight years, and previous eight before, have left him disaffected, disinherited, and feeling . . . powerless, waving in vain from the rooftops at the helicopters as they pass by. The system is obviously and glaringly broken.
What can you do when the President’s people just refuse to comply with Congress? The system is broken. What can you do when tax dollars you have yet to earn are already promised to Chinese banks to fund a war with no end in sight? The system is broken. What do you do when religious zealots and mercantile interests can keep a stranglehold on any meaningful change in the system? The system is broken. Every day for sixteen years the problems got bigger and bigger, and the government that is responsible for the general welfare and the insurance of domestic tranquility has not only failed to respond to the looming crises, it has patronizingly told him to be afraid and trust them. The system is broken. The waters are rising. The Obama Dads aren’t necessarily looking for a savior – they’ll be happy with enthusiastic competence and a sturdy rowboat out of this place we’re in.
And what they see in Barack Obama is a strong, smart man who is both canny and eloquent. He is a loving family man who has a vested interest in the future. There is no doubt that he could stand toe-to-toe with any leader in the world and communicate to them the desires and the aspirations of America – and earn their respect. There is no doubt that he could be a strong leader in wartime, a great leader in peacetime. He doesn’t have to have the minutia of his health care plan in his head – because he knows that whatever "plan" a president proposes will, by necessity, be heavily compromised by the time it goes through the crucible of legislation – and that’s OK to the Obama Dads. What matters isn’t the specifics of the plan, what matters is the President’s ability to make a strong enough case for it to drive the legislatures in the right direction. A President who lacks that ability just can’t fix what is wrong.
It’s been said by his opponent’s supporters that "What kind of retard votes for a candidate because the candidate makes you feel special?" And the fact is, these "retards" are not just voting for the candidate, but raising money and talking to their friends and family and neighbors, because they do feel special for the first time in a long time. Hillary doesn’t have that effect – their feelings run the gamut between outright loathing to polite disinterest to grudging respect – but Barack Obama makes them feel empowered in an era where these dads feel powerless.
Yes, they feel "special" – read that as "paid attention to", because for the longest time their interests were ignored while the world crumbled around them. When they see Barack speak, and imagine him in the White House, they see an Administration with the dignity and effectiveness that Clinton’s lacked with the competence and accountability that the Bush Imperium lacks. They feel that in some future Obama Administration that there is room for creative solutions and an ear in place to consider them without bowing inevitably to the status quo. Things will get fixed. The waters may yet recede.
In short, the Obama Dads do feel special – and they are starting to feel powerful as the clock winds down on Bush and Cheney. They don’t feel browbeaten by Obama. They don’t feel patronized by Obama. They don’t feel that a vote for Obama means a vote against any particular political policy objective or interest group. They don’t feel compelled to vote for Obama for security, or for ideology, or because he’s Black. They feel that if Barack Obama can move them to tears and action, then perhaps, just perhaps, he has a decent shot at using his intelligence and talents to sweep aside the debris of the last sixteen years or more and get some important stuff done – with their help. Obama can do it – not Hillary, not McCain, not Romney. If one of those guys win, it’s well understood that they will be beholden to the forces who put them in their position, and nothing will change. The flood waters will continue to rise. If Obama wins, he will gladly be accountable to the forces who put him in place – and that would be us, for a change.
Because if Barack Obama is nominated and elected, these Obama Dads aren’t planning on fading back into the woodwork of middle-class existence. They’re willing to help, to volunteer, to sacrifice when called upon to do so in order to see change manifest in their lives and the lives of the nation. They have become deeply emotionally invested in the campaign of this man who says "Yes we can". Because . . .WE can. Together.
And that is a heady, powerful feeling for so many dads who have felt, for too long, that they were standing on the rooftop waving in vain at the helicopters passing by while the waters rose.